Fall Family Weekend Fosters Connection, Conversation, and Community at Lawrenceville

Blue skies and crisp autumn air were the setting for Lawrenceville’s annual Fall Family Weekend. In addition to visiting classes with students on Friday, families also had the opportunity to converse with advisors, hear from school administrators, and learn insights from guest speakers, as well as enjoy athletics, arts, and various social events offered throughout the weekend.

Offering the keynote address for the weekend was author, public speaker, and consultant Rosalind Wiseman. Known for her work on youth social dynamics, leadership, and cultural dignity, Wiseman visited Lawrenceville several times this fall to speak about ways to foster community and belonging among faculty, students, and parents and guardians in separate sessions.

“Rosalind embeds in the community she works with to understand the deep context and norms before facilitating conversations with the community,” said Dean of Students Blake Eldridge. “Her work with us is animated by two main questions: How can we as parents and educators best support our teens, and, even more importantly, how can they best support themselves?”

“Meeting with you is the most humbling and frightening experience — and the thing I take most seriously,” she told students during her sessions. “I know I have to earn your trust.”

Her address to students centered on the distinction between respect and dignity, emphasizing that while respect is earned, dignity is something every person possesses by virtue of being human. “You can respect, or admire, someone’s actions,” she explained. “Dignity is the inherent worth of each of us.”

Wiseman underscored the difference between the two, adding, “Treating someone with respect is not the same as treating them with dignity. One feels like submission; the other, like empowerment.”

Working with Student Council and House prefects, Wiseman introduced nine reflective questions for Lawrentians to consider briefly during the meeting, and more deeply in later advisory group discussions.

She closed by urging students to reflect on the rights and responsibilities they each hold in creating a community where everyone’s dignity is recognized and upheld, encouraging them to do the “hard and courageous" work of claiming the highest standards for their school.

In her address to parents, Wiseman shared insights on her years of research about adolescents to help parents understand the dynamics at play when trying to guide young adults and establish a “mentor mindset.”

“In general, we have to train ourselves to create strategies that actually motivate young people,” Wiseman said, encouraging parents to maintain high expectations, while offering high support for their students.

She offered the analogy of a student being in a raft – always balancing between social survival and social harm.

“You may hurt yourself in the long run,” she said of the choice in front of students, “if you focus on academics and give up social fun or social distraction. Or do you increase social capital and decrease your academic performance - students are always balancing between the two.”

Offering scripts and suggested language for parents and guardians to help navigate various communication scenarios with their teens, Wiseman encouraged families to ask “what does success look like” when working through challenging situations.

“That is the question,” she said. “For young people to manage themselves, develop social competence, and you are there listening to them. You have confidence they can handle the problem on their own and handle it if they don’t get exactly what they want.”

Noting that she defines listening as “being prepared to be changed by what you hear,” Wiseman told parents, “your children want to hear that you respect their actions.”

“Saying, ‘I respect how you handled this,’ is like a lifeline,” she said. “It’s universal - when a parent says, ‘this is hard, I'm going to hold you accountable as well, if you do this for yourself, I’m going to really respect this and the way you handled it,’ that’s the kind of language your children want to hear.”

Acknowledging that adolescence is a time filled with growth opportunities when emotions can run high, Wiseman told families their job is “focus on high expectations and what is the highest support my child needs right now. When you work in partnership with Lawrenceville to do that, it elevates everybody in these moments.”

See more photos from Fall Family Weekend on Lawrenceville’s Flickr page.

For more information, contact Lisa M. Gillard H'17, director of public relations, at lgillard@lawrenceville.org.