Jeff Flake Inspires School Community to Lead with Trust, Civility, and Common Ground

Former U.S. Senator and Ambassador Jeff Flake delivered messages to Lawrenceville students and also to parents as part of the School’s annual Winter Gathering, which invites families to get an inside look at Lawrenceville. Across both talks, Flake emphasized a shared theme: democracy depends not on division, but on trust, cooperation, and moral courage. He and his wife, Cheryl, also visited Lawrenceville’s History of the American Democracy class and attended a campus dinner to meet students and faculty.

Flake, who served in both the U.S. House and Senate representing Arizona before becoming U.S. Ambassador to Turkey, framed his remarks around a central idea — that the greatest challenges facing the country are best met through collective effort. Speaking to students, he emphasized that history offers reassurance.

“The key is that we’ve always faced these challenges together as a country,” Flake said. “Through bipartisanship, through civil discourse, and by finding common ground.”

An Island Lesson on Interdependence

To bring the concept to life, Flake shared stories with both groups from beyond the political arena, including a personal survival experience that shaped his thinking about leadership and interdependence. Years earlier, he chose to spend a week alone on a remote island in the Pacific with minimal supplies.

“What I learned on that island,” he told students, “is something that we sometimes pretend not to know in our politics: independence is overrated.”

Trust as the Foundation of Democracy

He described democracy as a system that asks people to listen to those they disagree with, to accept electoral outcomes they don’t prefer, and to grant legitimacy to political opponents.

“Trust is the currency that makes democratic systems function,” he said. Unlike rhetoric or ideology, trust is built slowly through consistent conduct and decency.

Flake acknowledged that modern political incentives — amplified by social media — often reward confrontation rather than collaboration. Still, he encouraged students to resist the temptation to respond to hostility with hostility.

“I wholeheartedly reject” the idea that people must “fight fire with fire,” he said.

Flake also pointed to his diplomatic experience as evidence that trust can produce tangible results. As ambassador to Turkey, he recalled to students and parents, he helped navigate a complex negotiation over Sweden’s accession to NATO. Rather than relying on pressure or threats, progress came through sustained dialogue, patience, and acknowledging the concerns of all parties involved.

“Power can sometimes compel compliance,” Flake said. “But only trust can build lasting and enduring cooperation.”

Moral Courage and Civic Responsibility

To both audiences, Flake emphasized moral courage—the willingness to speak honestly, accept political consequences, and uphold principles even when doing so is unpopular.

“Self-government is not a spectator sport,” Flake said, urging students to be thoughtful about how they engage with political ideas, consume information, and treat those who hold different views.

Flake expressed confidence in younger generations to both groups, telling them that he often sees more openness to diverse perspectives among young people than among adults.

Returning to his island metaphor near the close of each talk, Flake reflected on the idea that meaningful experiences are richer when shared.

“We are not meant to live alone,” he said. “Democracy has to be the same. It’s not about standing alone—it’s about standing together, imperfectly, patiently, responsibly.”

Flake concluded by encouraging both students and parents to choose grace over grievance and to practice civil discourse not as a slogan, but as a daily habit.

Student Reflections on Listening and Leadership

Students said Flake’s remarks prompted reflection not only on national politics, but also on their own roles as listeners, leaders, and citizens.

“He has a genuine affection for reconciliation despite disagreement,” said Willem Anton ’26. “He exemplifies a trait that makes me find people likable: he is willing to distinguish his opinions and facts. In that way, he manages not to take himself too seriously and to see the forest for the trees.”

Fifth Former Brook Bartlett stated, “I particularly enjoyed hearing about Ambassador Flake’s close relationships with colleagues on both sides of the aisle. He humanized our legislature and showed that bipartisan cooperation remains both possible and essential.”

In addition to hearing Flake speak at School Meeting, Fourth Former Vivian Blessing interacted with Flake in both her history class and at dinner. The class discussion that day concerned the 1902 strike by U.S. coal miners. “That felt particularly timely since he pointed out that there must be a level of trust between parties for both sides to successfully find the best solution to issues and uphold the Constitution,” said Blessing.

Both Flakes spoke at the dinner, sharing thoughts that Blessing said, “gave me a lot of hope for our future as a nation.” She continued, “I was particularly motivated by their hopes for our generation of leaders and citizens, and their advice for options to be involved with political change without having to be the face of such negativity. They were both incredibly kind and seemed genuinely interested in hearing our thinking about the world, plans for the future, and lives at Lawrenceville.”

Watch the L10 News/The Lawrence interview. 

For more information, contact Lisa M. Gillard H’17, director of public relations, at lgillard@lawrenceville.org.